I was about nine years old when I wrote my first story, “Sawdust Tears”. It was my expression of grief over the leveling of our neighborhood woods. A place where all us kids played pretend, had a rigged up clubhouse, bike paths, and daily imagined our fantasies. It got leveled for a gas station. I let my father, my favorite parent, read the story and he laughed. I learned right then to not trust family and friends when it came to understanding or even appreciating my writings.
This has been a lesson that has served me well through my life. It is a lesson in expectations.
If you are a writer you will find that you, hopefully, have a handful of friends and family members who support you. Perhaps they’ve never even read what you’ve written but they are proud of you for your accomplishment. And, again, hopefully there will be a few who do and they’ll provide helpful constructive criticism and motivational support. Those people are treasures. I hope you have a few, like I do.
That said, the vast majority will not. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve asked someone to read something or they’ve asked to read something and then the whole matter simply disappears never to be discussed again. Even if I’ve sent said masterpiece (ha!) to them. It is very important you not hold a grudge against these folks and here’s why.
If you’re a reader you know that there are books you love, page turners you can’t put down, books you want to love but just cannot get going (I had to start Iain M. Banks’ Against A Dark Background four times!), books you try to read but just can’t understand (for me olde English kind of stuff), and stuff you just do not like. Everyone is like that. It is a similar situation to movies and theater. If your spouse can’t stand chick flicks but you love them it’s no reason to jettison the spouse, right?
It’s a normal action to ask the people with whom you have the closest relationships to read your baby, your work of art, your story. And it can hurt when they hate it, and or when they act like they will read it but they don’t. Even worse would be a situation where you let their opinions stop you from writing.
A friend of mine gave their mother their 50,000 word manuscript and after following up repeatedly she finally said something like, Yes I read it. Put it away and never write again. I can never forget that story because I found it truly heartbreaking. I actually read a book like that once – a family member had self-published a non-fiction tome and it was nearly unreadable. But what I know now is that with a good editor those things can be fixed. They could be diamonds in the rough. Just the dedication to write a 50,000 word story is commendable and should be rewarded. My friend never wrote again.
The point I want to make is to anyone who needs to write, who loves to write, who must write – do not let anyone discourage you. Join writer groups, attend critique sessions (check your local library), find strangers who understand what you go through as a writer. And save yourself heartbreak by not expecting your family and friends to love everything or anything you write. It’s not about you. It’s about them. You can always get better, learn, and find an audience.